Traveling with a Significant Other (Without it Ending in Flames)
- Devyn
- Jan 5, 2019
- 5 min read
Updated: Feb 1, 2019
My husband is just as much of a travel junkie as I am (thank goodness) and we are usually each other's travel companion. We've gotten to see amazing sites, eat some insanely delicious meals, and experience some once-in-a-lifetime moments with each other. Aww - so mushy and cheesy.
You know what else it means? We've been at each other's throats on more than one occasion. Traveling is remarkable, but things do go wrong. You get lost, frustrated, hangry, cranky....it happens. You're miles away from home with one person, who is sometimes the only person around you who you can really communicate with due to language barriers. Traveling with a significant other has its challenges and ups and downs.
Here are some of the lessons I've learned along the way, to help you keep your #couplegoals game strong:
What to Do: Compromise Often
It's your trip together. There are likely tons of things you both agree on, but inevitably you'll find yourselves at odds over something. Maybe you want to stay downtown and they are keen to stay further away. They might throw out a tour or excursion that doesn't have you too enthused. Work with each other and find the middle ground so you can both have the trip you dream of.
How to Do It: Independently come up with a list of things you want to do, see, explore, eat, etc. Cross compare your lists to see what matches (instant wins). Look at what's left and prioritize what your favorites are. Pencil in a few of each other's top picks - that way you both get to experience your top to-dos. Suck it up and be a good sport about trying new things. It'll be worth it to see your partner so excited in the moment, and chances are you'll have just as much fun.
What to Do: Take Breaks if Necessary
You love your travel companion. There's no one else you'd rather be with for your trip. But you have to admit, sometimes you just need space. Chances are you'll spend just about every waking (and sleeping) minute with this person. That's bound to wear on most people after awhile, especially if a curve ball gets thrown your way (ex. cancelled flight). Recognize that me-time is sometimes needed. Don't be afraid to do your own thing for a little while.
How to Do It: Need a short break? Wake up early and hit up a cafe near your hotel on your own. Or go to a market or mall together but venture to different stores for a bit. Need some more time? Get a spa treatment on your own. Grab a book and head to a scenic spot and read for a bit.
What to Do: Don't Force Them to Be Your Instagram Husband/Partner/Wife
You know those people who want pictures of everything? And not just a quick "hey take my picture" type of situation. This is like, "hey take 100 photos so I can pick the best one to edit later on and post online" or "don't eat anything until I've taken a picture". I have a lot of feelings about these people. I'm sure these people are good people, but c'mon. Just live in the moment. Eat your food while it’s hot - and let your partner do the same. Take in the sights and spend time with one another, rather than hosting an impromptu photo shoot for one. I'm guilty of taking pictures of my food, but I'll never force my Insta-worthy photo aspirations onto my husband. (PS - most people don't want to see the hundredth photo of your food, anyways). You may notice I don't have too many photos of my travels - it's because i'm enjoying my time traveling and don't feel a need to document every step I take.
How to Do It: Just put the camera away. Enjoy each other's company. If you really want that photo, don't make your companion be your photographer (and don't make them wait to eat just so you can get a pretty picture).
What to Do: Figure Out Who’s Doing What
The biggest argument my husband and I got in while traveling was because both of us assumed the other had planned out the general itinerary and done some research for the trip. We went on a three week Euro-trip, where I (the detail-loving, best-restaurant-finding person) handled most of the logistics. In the middle of planning, my husband proposed making a stop in Poland. He’s very Polish and wanted to see a bit of his heritage, and had a specific city in mind. I agreed and we decided to go. We flew into Poland and quickly realized that neither of us had planned a thing. He assumed I had it covered because I was the “planner”, I figured he had done it since it was his “city”. Needless to say, we had to think on the fly but it was stressful not knowing how to get around or what to do (turns out we visited during the off-season too, which meant most things were closed). Don’t be like us, people!
How to Do it: Seriously, assign tasks. Who’s going to be the navigator? Who will book reservations, if needed? Who will scout out restaurants? Get a good understanding so that way one of you doesn’t end up feeling like an unpaid travel agent!
What to Do: Be Upfront
"Sure", "okay", "that's fine" - ick. These words/phrases are horrible because 99.9% of the time they mean the exact opposite. Rather than keeping your partner in the dark about whether you’re cranky or tired or hungry, just tell them. If you aren't fine - say so. Traveling isn't glamorous all the time. Your partner can't read your mind so the more open and honest you are, the easier it is to find a solution.
How To Do It: Speak up. If you really need a snack, say so. Need to head back to the hotel to nap? Tell them. Feeling uncomfortable about a situation? Voice your concerns.
What to Do: Be Aware of Each Other's Spending Limits
I tend to get swept up on the idea of experiences before thinking of the price; my husband tends to look at the dollar signs first. That means sometimes I push more expensive activities or meals. My husband and I split everything 50-50 (we don't have a joint bank account or credit card), so when I'm feeling spendy, he bears a bit of the weight too. It's important to be aware of what each other hopes to spend, especially when it comes to the smaller, day-to-day items, like meals. It'll avoid conflict later on if you have an idea of when you want to splurge.
How to Do It: Talk about money. It's uncomfortable, but do it. Figure out what your "all in" amount that you feel comfortable spending is. Agree on the big things. Come up with a target amount you hope to spend on things like meals, activities, souvenirs. Will you both "pay your own way"? Take turns paying? Prevent this from even becoming a problem by talking it all out first.
What to Do: Have Fun
You're on a trip. Enjoy it. Make memories and laugh often. You'll want to reminisce on this time years down the road.
How to Do It: Don't let the little things get to you. Be in the moment (read: put your dang phone away) and talk with each other. Drink too much wine, order too much dessert. Stay up all night and sleep in til noon. Take the wrong train and get lost together.
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