What to Do When You and Your Partner Have Different PTO Policies

Finding time to travel is a hurdle enough for most people. But trying to coordinate vacation plans when your travel companion has a different PTO policy than yours can be overwhelming. From the amount of time off to the flexibility and the usage of your vacation days, it can be frustrating figuring out how to align your calendar with your trip buddy's. Looking for some guidance on making two vacation policies work? Check out my tips below!

FIRST - Before you take your PTO at face value, check out my post HERE for ways you can make your time off stretch even further. A lot of people assume that they have X amount of days off and that's it. However, you might find flexibility that allows you to squeeze more time off into your life. Take a spin through that post to get a better sense of what your "true" time off is before moving on!

1.) Let Go of Guilt and Envy

I promise you advice and insight on the logistics of aligning vacation days is coming. But first, you need to check your attitude. If you're the one on the short end of the stick (less days or flexibility), don't hold that against your partner. It's not fair to expect them to sit back and waste away their time off just because you can't. Some of the advice below will help guide the compromises you need to make, but don't take your frustrations out on your partner. If you're the lucky one - more time off or the ability to flex working time - be considerate. Don't make your companion feel guilty about not being able to travel with you all the time and be respectful of the adventures you take without them. More importantly, don't use their limited time off as an excuse as to why you can't travel. You don't need to skimp out on traveling just because they can't come with. It's your life and your time off - enjoy it and don't feel guilty about it. Juggling different vacation policies can work if you keep your emotions out of it as much as possible.

2.) Figure Out What's Non-Negotiable

There are certain trips that you two have probably been dreaming and scheming of taking together for a while. Reserve those trips for times when your vacation policies match up and you can go together. Also be aware of what are some bucket list trips you both have in mind. It would be rude if one of you embarked on the other's dream trip because you had the ability to while they didn't. My husband's #1 trip is an African safari. I'm not about to head to Africa with my sister because it would probably feel like a slap in the face to him. One of you will be experiencing some degree of FOMO at having the inferior PTO policy, don't make it sting more than it needs to. Knowing which trips you are expecting to take together will give you freedom to pick out your separate adventures.

3.) Craft Your Itinerary to Maximize the Fun

Given the choice, I will usually opt to spend an extra night in order to fly out in the morning. It's nice not to feel like I'm wasting the whole day flying but I also like knowing if my flight gets delayed or canceled, there are likely other flights running later in the day I can try to get on. However, this approach usually means taking an extra day off, which might not jive well with the person with less vacation days. If I only have 10 days off and my partner has 20, I'm not gonna be cool with taking one of my precious days off just to take an early morning flight. When you're traveling with someone who’s time poor, make sure you're maximizing all the time you have so all your vacation days count. Consider staying in one spot or picking a closer destination to home to cut back on travel time. Try taking a red-eye flight or an overnight train. If your budget allows, splurge on line-jumping tickets or private transportation to avoid time spent waiting in line or sharing a shuttle with a million stops from the airport. Unplug and really keep your focus and energy on the trip - not on your incoming emails or social media. Make your time together count.

4.) Extend your Trip

If you're dreaming of a two-week road trip through Ireland but your partner only has five days to spare, don't assume your ideal trip is out of the running. Extend your vacay by either flying in earlier or later than your partner and trekking on your own for the extra time you're there. For example, you could both fly in to Dublin and do a road trip through the southern part of Ireland for a week. Your partner can fly back home from Shannon and you can stay an extra week driving around the rest of the country. It's a win-win - you both get to be in Ireland together, you both get to have fun for that first week, and you still get to live out your ideal two-week adventure.

5.) Find a New Partner

At least a new temporary trip partner, that is! You're allowed to see the world with other people. If you want to travel with a buddy, think of other people you can go with. Sibling trip? Adventure with a parent? Reconnect with a college friend? It might make for a nice change of pace. Maybe your foodie sister will insist on taking a cooking class, or your vino dad will spring for a wine tour across Italy - trips you and your partner may not rank as #1 so neither of you would be heartbroken to miss out on together. My flexibility with work allows me to easily take extended weekends (Friday - Monday) without dipping into my vacation days - a luxury my husband doesn't have. So I'm taking advantage of the time I have to do a sister trip in December (location TBD, but thinking Iceland) and a mother/daughters trip to Vegas in November. PSST - check out some international weekend getaway suggestions HERE!

6.) Go Solo

There's a lot of fear around solo travel. It's comforting to have someone to help you get around in a foreign country, and it's special to experience things with another person, but if one of you has the time and ability, consider going solo. There are a lot of benefits to taking a trip alone - you can do the things you want to do on your own time, really discover yourself, and grow by stepping outside of your comfort zone. There's bound to be someplace you want to go that your companion doesn't, presenting a perfect opportunity for a solo trip. If you're too hesitant to spring a trip alone, research some group trips that bring together a bunch of solo travelers. There are tons of options out there and you can find some offerings centered around a specific trait or interest your group shares (think hiking trips for under-30s, culinary adventures for professional women, etc).

7.) Balance Work with Vacation Time

Do you have the flexibility to work remotely but can't afford to take a day off? Work while vacationing. Your partner can spend the day doing their thing and you'll have plenty of time to enjoy the trip during your off-hours/days. Sure it would be nice to not have to work, but doesn't it seem more appealing to catch up on emails from a cafe in Paris or run your reports from your beachside balcony? Maybe you can turn a work trip into a vacation - extend your time there to stay through the weekend and have your partner come meet you there.

8.) Take Advantage of Holidays

If you have PTO, you likely have paid holidays, which should align with your partner’s. Take advantage of that joint free time off by traveling then. You can extend the trip by taking a day or two of time off, but you can easily turn a holiday weekend into a 4- or 5-day getaway without dipping into your PTO bank too much. You may feel obligated to go home and visit family during holidays, but it also presents a perfect opportunity for taking a trip with your partner that you shouldn't pass up on.

9.) Get your Timing Right

Workloads ebb and flow. Just because you both can take a week off to travel doesn't mean you should – time the traveling appropriately. If you plan a trip around a particularly busy time for your partner, they might find themselves working at maximum overdrive before and after the trip to catch-up, leading to burn out. They might also need to jump on a call or check emails while you're abroad. Don't set them up for failure with a trip that won't allow them to relax. Pick times to travel when it works well for the both of you.

10.) Be Planners

Having a general idea of what trips you have coming down the pipeline can help you prepare ASAP. Maybe it's on your radar to finally take a month-long Euro trip next year or go across the globe (destinations further away can eat by extra days off for travel time). Keep that mind so you know what you need to accrue and rollover NOW to make it happen later. If you don't keep track of these bigger adventures, you'll fall into a trap of always thinking it's not possible. If your partner sprung a last-minute trip on you that you didn't have the time for, you'd likely feel a little bummed about having to say no. Avoid that situation by planning - at least a little - so you can take the trips of your dreams in the future. Having a big trip on the horizon can also help empower you to discuss vacation time with your boss - sometimes you can negotiate extra time off if you had a stellar year.

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Balancing varying vacation policies with a significant other or go-to travel buddy can feel like work. But by taking some of the steps above, you can maximize your time off with minimal headaches and frustrations. Don’t miss out on vacation time just because you can’t take every trip together. You have time off - USE IT! Do you struggle making time off work between you and your travel companion? Drop a comment and let's try and work through it together!

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